It's been a while since I've written last, but that's doesn't mean nothing has been happening. Chasing (haha!) around a little guy is exhausting and time consuming.
He'll be six months old in two days, on the 11th, and that's crazy exciting. Where has the past six months gone? I'm sure I'll be saying that in 20 years. Saaaaaaad face to the max! I don't want him to grow up past like 5. Can he stay 5? Probably not.
A few days ago we started solids. When I say solids, I mean solids. Per the AAP/WHO/etc., you're supposed to wait until the six month mark to start solids. I started a little early, I know, but he had met all of the milestones to begin solids. He can sit unassisted, has lost majority of his tongue thrust, and has taken an extreme interest in food. I figured one week wouldn't really make that much of a difference. Also, we decided to go the baby led solids route and I knew that he really wouldn't be eating that much to begin with anyway. I'd say out of the few days that he's had food in front of him, he's probably only consumed a few tablespoons of food. Which is a-ok. That's the theory behind baby led; you give manageable chunks of table food and let them lead the way. There's no drama about how much he is or isn't eating, no separate meals to prepare (or jars to deal with), just go with the flow. Simplest thing EVER. I'd say the hardest thing to get past is not helping all the time. I want to help him put things in his mouth, but you have to just let him work it out and do it.
He eats what Steve and I eat and that is pretty fantastic and uncomplicated. I hate placing a label on it, but essentially, that's what we're doing - Baby Led Solids/Weaning. It's teaching him to chew before he swallows, something that purees don't do. It's teaching him about different consistency and textures of food, something that purees don't do. He's had whole broccoli, not liquefied, mushy broccoli. And he loves it.
I'm not knocking purees one bit, what's appropriate for me may not be appropriate for another. Just our way of doing things. My main goal of taking this approach is to avoid food aversions and simplify things. I don't want him to hate vegetables (some will argue that's inevitable, but damnit, I'm going to try) or be one of those picky eaters. I want him to see Steve and I making healthy choices and to truly share meals with us.
Another positive about this approach is that it has really made Steve and I pay attention to the things that we put in our mouths. We're generally healthy eaters, but if we're giving it to Chase...you get the point.
Now let's see how long I can keep Chase off of grains and sugar...and mama.
I do believe Chase will be crawling within the next couple of weeks. He's trying just as hard as he can and I'm not looking forward to the day of him getting into everything. That will be fun. He's such an exciting little guy and I love every minute - except in the middle of the night when he wakes up 90 times - of it. He's just so cool to look at. I can't even wrap my head around how awesome he is.
As always, excuse any bad grammar. I'm typing as fast as I can with no time to proof read during nap time.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Admitting you have a problem is the first step
It’s been four months since I’ve had my awesome little guy.
It’s so weird, strange, crazy, and intense that I have a tiny human being to
take care of and that depends on me. Sometimes it’s difficult to wrap my head
around that Steve and I made him. Like really made him.
However, I have never in my life felt so out of place in my
body. I’m back down to pre-pregnancy weight (+/- a pound or two), but my body
is NOT what it used to be. While I can fit into most of my clothes, it’s not
pretty…or even ok. I know that I’m teetering back and forth between being
depressed about who I am now. It’s so hard to feel depressed when I have such a
fantastic little guy to look after. I know that I can’t be the person that I was before a baby and that things will
change, but I’m having a difficult time with it. I cry when I wear sweats every
day, because it’s the only thing that I’m comfortable in. For the people that
truly know me, they know that I DO NOT wear sweats on a regular basis. That is
NOT who I am. I’m not saying I’m always Gucci’d out, but I usually look
presentable and put together. I go between extreme caring about my looks to not
giving two craps; neither of which emotions are particularly healthy.
I gave away a ton of
my clothes (even though Steve told me not to), but I know that I will never fit
them again. At least not anytime soon and by the time I’m able to fit into
those things, I’ll be over them. If that makes any sense – probably only to me.
Part of the problem
is that I have this image in my head of how I want to look and feel, but it’s
seemingly unattainable. I CAN NOT be the sweat pants mom. I REFUSE. My sister
told me the obvious when she visited, “Just because you have a baby, doesn’t
mean that you have to let yourself go.” Believe me, I know that. I tell myself
that regularly. I just seems that I’m too far past gone.
With fall coming up,
I’ve been looking at all of the new, pretty fall stuff. I have extreme guilt
about wanting to spend money on myself. Between me not contributing anything
financially to our household and wanting to get Chase everything under the sun,
it’s just…I don’t know. I just can’t bring myself to shop for myself.
And I literally just
right now got an email saying that Steve got me a massage for my birthday (gift
card was emailed). Instead of being stoked, I’m seriously about to throw up
thinking about how to leave Chase for several hours to get a massage. Not because I don’t want to leave him
(I don’t, but I’m sure I would benefit and he would be just fine without me for
a bit), but because I’m his source of food and comfort. He doesn’t take a
bottle – not for lack of trying – so Steve would be stuck with a screaming baby
until I was able to feed him. I have a headache even thinking about what to do.
I just overall feel
really dumb about being depressed and crying and junky. I want to be a pretty,
hip, cool mama. Not a dumpy, frumpy, frazzled looking one. I would love a
massage. I would love a manicure (I never even got those before Chase, it just
seems like I need one now), I would love to buy a few new outfits that fit
properly, I would absolutely love to go get a hair cut/color…but I just can’t.
I can’t spend the money. I can’t leave Chase for that long. I can’t. As much as
I want alone time or time to just sit in a Starbucks with a magazine and coffee
or even on the porch with a glass of wine and magazine, I can’t.
And now I’m about to
have a melt down. Awesome. I thought writing about it would help. Nope. Kinda
made me feel worse. And more dumb. Playing Feist probably isn’t helping either.
*If this is extremely typo'd, I apologize. I only read over it once.
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Cloth diapers
It’s been a super long time since my last post and since so many of my friends are about to have babies and have been asking about cloth diapers, I thought I would write about my experiences with them. SOOOOOOO, here we go!
Let me start by saying, I love CDing! It’s *usually* no more difficult than ‘sposies and the benefits outweigh the difficulty (IMO anyway).
If you google image, “Cloth Diaper Tree,” you’ll see the different types of diapers. I tried to put the picture in here, but it wasn’t happening.
Here are some things that you NEED:
- A baby...or animal...or husband. Something or someone to CD!
- Diapers
- Inserts
- Somewhere to store dirty diapers
- Detergent for your diapers
That’s pretty much all you NEED. However, depending on what type of diaper you use, you could need more. I’m going to assume that the people I’m writing this for are all using pockets, because that seems to be the most common and one of the easier ones to deal with. If that is your case, then those three (or four, depending on your detergent preference) items are all you truly need.
* The detergent is debatable and I’ve seen some people use their “normal” run of the mill detergent, but I personally prefer the brand linked above.
But! Wait there’s more!
These are things that you WANT:
- Extra inserts for doubling or doublers
- Diaper sprayer
- Wet bag
- Bac-Out
Here’s the deal with the items that you want: before you buy a ton of extra inserts/doublers, wait until you order all of your diapers. BumGenius sent me like three or four extra inserts and if memory serves, so did FuzziBumz. I could have that completely wrong, but I do know that I have a crap ton more inserts than diapers that I didn’t buy extra. Also, you can buy prefolds or flats to use as inserts or even make your own.
I don’t know what people did before diaper sprayers. I mean, yeah, I do...but you get that point. People just dunked the diapers in the toilet or whatever, but I’m a little too squeamish for that. The diaper sprayer is AWESOME for the runny poop until it turns solid and you can just dump it into the toilet. It did take some getting used to and I did spray the walls and myself a few times. It’s also pretty fantastic to spray on your bum (think bidet) after you have the baby. Be careful with that though, no one wants to pressure wash their vagina, especially when a baby just came out of it.
I use Bac-Out on poopy diapers after I have sprayed the major poop off. I have yet to have a stain by using this.
The wet bag is important for use outside of the house. It’s compact and fits into your diaper bag pretty easily even when it has a few dirty diapers in it. The one linked is the exact one that I have and it seems pretty legit thus far. You can also use it at home (if you get the large one) instead of a diaper pail. Which leads me to my next topic....
Things that AREN’T necessary:
- A special diaper pail
- Super expensive diapers
I was asking Steve if there were any other things that we have that aren’t necessary and he said that he thought that the diaper pail that we have is pretty rad and I shouldn’t sway people from it. I just think that we probably could have not spent $35 (I got it on sale from Target.com for $25) and gotten a trash can with a sealing lid. You DO need somewhere to store dirty diapers that has a sealing lid. It doesn’t matter what medium you use, you don’t want to smell one or two day old diapers. The wet bag zips up, so that works too. I would also recommend not going longer than two days between washes, because they do get pretty rank. I don’t even think I have enough diapers to go longer than that anyway.
As far as actual diaper cost goes, you can get some pretty cheap diapers. Before I knew about Sunbaby and ALVA baby, I bought FuzziBunz, BumGenius, Rumparooz, and Blueberry. I like them all and FB is by far the least bulky diapers that I have, but as far as cost efficiency...not so bueno.
I think we’ve spent around $400 total on all of our diapers and accessories. Maybe a little less, maybe a little more. The Charlie’s Soap Powder I use on all of our laundry, so that eliminates buying different detergents and it really does last a long time. I’m actually about to buy the 1000 load bucket of it and I’ll see just how long that lasts.
There are things that when it comes time to use, you have to be careful about, such as diaper rash cream. If you use rash cream with MOST diapers, you void the warranty. I personally don’t think I’ll ever use/need the warranty on any of my diapers (especially the super cheap ones, who cares?), but you have to also be careful about leaks. Some rash creams create a barrier between baby and diaper, which will in turn give you lots of leaks. I use California Baby Rash Cream probably once a day for preventive measures and it works well. I also have Earth Mama Angel Baby bottom balm, but I think I like the Cali Baby better. It’s more of a cream versus a jelly.
One last thing and then I’ll shut my mouth: washing, drying, and sunning your diapers. When I wash my diapers, I run a cold rinse first, followed by a normal cold/cold cycle. I put the detergent directly on the diapers even though I have a front load washer per the instructions on the container. I run my diapers and inserts through the dryer on low heat and occasionally air dry the diapers themselves and dry the inserts. If a diaper gets a hard to get out stain, you can lay it outside (after it comes out of the wash) to sun it and the stain should come out.
*It seems everyone washes their diapers differently. You just have to figure out what works for you and use that method. I don’t do a cold rinse every time, because sometimes I need diapers ASAP and I don’t have time to wait for a 30 minutes extra rinse. When I do have time, I do a rinse before and an extra wash cycle. It’s really in what you prefer.
And that’s all, folks! I’m sure I probably missed a few things and if anyone reads this that has more expert advice, please feel free to add on. I’ve only been doing this for a few months, so I’m still in the learning phase of things. We also use cloth wipes too, but that’ll have to wait for another day. Chase is waking up from his nap and we gotsta get ready to go to the market and get some coffee!
Let me start by saying, I love CDing! It’s *usually* no more difficult than ‘sposies and the benefits outweigh the difficulty (IMO anyway).
If you google image, “Cloth Diaper Tree,” you’ll see the different types of diapers. I tried to put the picture in here, but it wasn’t happening.
Here are some things that you NEED:
- A baby...or animal...or husband. Something or someone to CD!
- Diapers
- Inserts
- Somewhere to store dirty diapers
- Detergent for your diapers
That’s pretty much all you NEED. However, depending on what type of diaper you use, you could need more. I’m going to assume that the people I’m writing this for are all using pockets, because that seems to be the most common and one of the easier ones to deal with. If that is your case, then those three (or four, depending on your detergent preference) items are all you truly need.
* The detergent is debatable and I’ve seen some people use their “normal” run of the mill detergent, but I personally prefer the brand linked above.
But! Wait there’s more!
These are things that you WANT:
- Extra inserts for doubling or doublers
- Diaper sprayer
- Wet bag
- Bac-Out
Here’s the deal with the items that you want: before you buy a ton of extra inserts/doublers, wait until you order all of your diapers. BumGenius sent me like three or four extra inserts and if memory serves, so did FuzziBumz. I could have that completely wrong, but I do know that I have a crap ton more inserts than diapers that I didn’t buy extra. Also, you can buy prefolds or flats to use as inserts or even make your own.
I don’t know what people did before diaper sprayers. I mean, yeah, I do...but you get that point. People just dunked the diapers in the toilet or whatever, but I’m a little too squeamish for that. The diaper sprayer is AWESOME for the runny poop until it turns solid and you can just dump it into the toilet. It did take some getting used to and I did spray the walls and myself a few times. It’s also pretty fantastic to spray on your bum (think bidet) after you have the baby. Be careful with that though, no one wants to pressure wash their vagina, especially when a baby just came out of it.
I use Bac-Out on poopy diapers after I have sprayed the major poop off. I have yet to have a stain by using this.
The wet bag is important for use outside of the house. It’s compact and fits into your diaper bag pretty easily even when it has a few dirty diapers in it. The one linked is the exact one that I have and it seems pretty legit thus far. You can also use it at home (if you get the large one) instead of a diaper pail. Which leads me to my next topic....
Things that AREN’T necessary:
- A special diaper pail
- Super expensive diapers
I was asking Steve if there were any other things that we have that aren’t necessary and he said that he thought that the diaper pail that we have is pretty rad and I shouldn’t sway people from it. I just think that we probably could have not spent $35 (I got it on sale from Target.com for $25) and gotten a trash can with a sealing lid. You DO need somewhere to store dirty diapers that has a sealing lid. It doesn’t matter what medium you use, you don’t want to smell one or two day old diapers. The wet bag zips up, so that works too. I would also recommend not going longer than two days between washes, because they do get pretty rank. I don’t even think I have enough diapers to go longer than that anyway.
As far as actual diaper cost goes, you can get some pretty cheap diapers. Before I knew about Sunbaby and ALVA baby, I bought FuzziBunz, BumGenius, Rumparooz, and Blueberry. I like them all and FB is by far the least bulky diapers that I have, but as far as cost efficiency...not so bueno.
I think we’ve spent around $400 total on all of our diapers and accessories. Maybe a little less, maybe a little more. The Charlie’s Soap Powder I use on all of our laundry, so that eliminates buying different detergents and it really does last a long time. I’m actually about to buy the 1000 load bucket of it and I’ll see just how long that lasts.
There are things that when it comes time to use, you have to be careful about, such as diaper rash cream. If you use rash cream with MOST diapers, you void the warranty. I personally don’t think I’ll ever use/need the warranty on any of my diapers (especially the super cheap ones, who cares?), but you have to also be careful about leaks. Some rash creams create a barrier between baby and diaper, which will in turn give you lots of leaks. I use California Baby Rash Cream probably once a day for preventive measures and it works well. I also have Earth Mama Angel Baby bottom balm, but I think I like the Cali Baby better. It’s more of a cream versus a jelly.
One last thing and then I’ll shut my mouth: washing, drying, and sunning your diapers. When I wash my diapers, I run a cold rinse first, followed by a normal cold/cold cycle. I put the detergent directly on the diapers even though I have a front load washer per the instructions on the container. I run my diapers and inserts through the dryer on low heat and occasionally air dry the diapers themselves and dry the inserts. If a diaper gets a hard to get out stain, you can lay it outside (after it comes out of the wash) to sun it and the stain should come out.
*It seems everyone washes their diapers differently. You just have to figure out what works for you and use that method. I don’t do a cold rinse every time, because sometimes I need diapers ASAP and I don’t have time to wait for a 30 minutes extra rinse. When I do have time, I do a rinse before and an extra wash cycle. It’s really in what you prefer.
And that’s all, folks! I’m sure I probably missed a few things and if anyone reads this that has more expert advice, please feel free to add on. I’ve only been doing this for a few months, so I’m still in the learning phase of things. We also use cloth wipes too, but that’ll have to wait for another day. Chase is waking up from his nap and we gotsta get ready to go to the market and get some coffee!
Friday, May 18, 2012
You know you’re a mama when...
You have spit up all over your chest and don’t even realize it
You’re excited about an awesomely poopy diaper
You’re thrilled about more than 30 minutes of sleep
You can prepare dinner at warp speed and various other activities (using the bathroom?)
Wow. Chase is now just over five weeks old and it has been too fast, too furious. Things have been going well and everyone is doing awesome. As far as I’m concerned anyway, seeing as how I have nothing to compare to.
Chase is just hanging out, doing his baby thing. Steve and I feel like he cries quite a bit at night, but he actually only cries for about an hour (straight, OMG) each night and then things are good. He rarely flips out during the day anymore and just cries when he needs something. Then, he only cries for maybe five or 10 minutes. He’s a cool little guy. I think we’re finally starting to figure this baby thing out and that Chase is settling into his new life. He still takes crap naps (unless he’s attached to myself or Steve) and only sleeps for about 1.5/2 hours at a time at night. I think part of that is because we're still learning to eat with his tongue clipped and all that jazz. However, when he eats good, he does sleep good - three hours straight one night. Wooo!!!
Let’s see, what else. He likes Bob Marley, Method Man, and Matisyahu...hates Coldplay, but who can blame him? He loves white noise, so we sleep with the bathroom fan on all the time. He also likes the vacuum cleaner and that works out for keeping the floors clean. Ha! I just put him in the sling or Ergo and do it up.
He got circumcised last week and that was probably more traumatic than labor. Nothing makes you feel like an awful, horrible mama than hearing your baby scream bloody murder (note: I didn’t even want to get it done, it was all Steve). The doctor told us that we could take the bandages off that night, so we did AND we almost had to call 911. He was bleeding like crazy, screaming, I was crying, Steve was worried; it was just an all around bad time. If we have another kid, I pray for a girl. I don’t know if I could do that again, for something that I don’t agree with.
Co-sleeping and baby wearing are saving my life! I’ve tried putting him in his little co-sleeping crib, but he won’t have anything to do with it. Oh well, we do just fine cuddled up together and we sleep a reasonable amount. Same with baby wearing. It’s so much easier to wear him when we’re out and about than lug that giant infant carrier around. Screw that. People comment on how it must be easier to wear him and I have to agree. I need to buy more carriers, but the world of baby wearing is slightly overwhelming and I’m still navigating it.
He’s been gaining awesome weight and is 10lbs now. He officially smiled this morning and has been smiling a lot today. I’ve tried to take pictures, but I guess he’s camera shy (AKA mama is really slow).
I guess that’s about it for now. He’s waking up from his nap, so I need to handle that.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
The Boob. Yup, that’s me.
I knew from the very beginning that I would do everything in my power to breastfeed. Like everything I do, I assume that it’s going to be super easy and then get frustrated when it’s not. It’s just my nature. Many of my friends are currently expecting and I know that majority of them wish to breastfeed their little boys and girls. I want to share some of the things that I’ve experienced in the past 12 or so days, good and bad. I want my friends to say that they WILL breastfeed, not that they will try. I think that’s one thing that helped me stay strong during late night, four hour nursing sessions; when Steve was sound asleep and all I wanted was to be asleep too.
Chase latched reasonably well from the very beginning. I attribute this to immediate bonding after he was born. I may have had a crappy experience with tons of intervention, but I did get my bonding time. Chase was placed on me and didn’t leave my side until we had ample time to stare at each other for a while and let him figure out that I was his Boob. (That’s our nickname for me now. I’m “The Boob” and Steve is “The Financer.” LOL!) He didn’t latch immediately, but he did nuzzle around and get a feel for me. When he did latch, it didn’t last long (which made me nervous). A couple hours after his birth, he finally did latch and things looked good.
Another thing that I made sure of during our hospital stay was prohibiting the use of artificial nipples. No pacifiers, no bottles, nothing but the Boob. Since we’ve been home, Chase had a paci for a few hours on and off and in my heart, I knew that it wasn’t something that I wanted to be doing. Strangely, the day he had the paci was the day that he had the most trouble latching. I’m not sure if that was nipple confusion or if it was just a fluke. I do know that he won’t be getting any more artificial nipples for quite a while. It’s recommended that babies only have the breast for the first three to four weeks anyway.
Chase went through his first growth spurt at around seven days old. Let me just tell you, mama was thinking about formula. This kid was attached to me for HOURS on end. I’m not exaggerating. HOURS. When he would fall asleep, he would only sleep 30 or so minutes and wake up for more. This lasted for two days. I was in tears. My boobs hurt, my head hurt, and I was exhausted. I stuck through it though. I knew how upset I would have been with myself if I allowed myself to fall off the wagon so quickly. We got through it and we should be gearing up for growth spurt number two soon. Gotta mentally prepare since I know what’s up this time.
Night time nursing was rough to begin with. I knew that he wasn’t going to be sleeping through the night (or any long stretch), but I once again thought all would be rainbows and puppy dogs. My mom keeps yelling at me to put him on a schedule, but I am whole-heartedly against even trying to do that. He’s a newborn. He’ll eat and sleep when he wants. I’m not on an eating schedule, so why should I expect a newborn to be. Anyway, Chase wakes up randomly throughout the night to nurse for hunger and/or for comfort. That’s another thing - be prepared to nurse for comfort, not just for food. There have been nights when I’m nursing and I try to put Chase back down after he’s done and he isn’t having it. It’s hard to look over at Steve and see him knocked out and look down at my beautiful baby who is knocked out too and not knock myself out...but slamming my head through the wall behind me. J/K! Kind of. :-)
My milk was slow coming. I know a lot of mamas who give up on breastfeeding because of their milk supply or their milk taking it’s precious time to make an appearance. Mine finally showed up around day six and I was over joyed. I knew that colostrum was all that Chase needed in the beginning days and our pediatrician was/is awesome and didn’t say a word about his 7% weight loss - which is totally normal up to 10%. She said that she knew my milk would be showing up any time and that he had three weeks to regain his birth weight until we started worrying. Awesome!
Chase is also tongue-tied. He spits milk everywhere and while he is able to latch, it’s not a perfect one. It hurts a little and he fights my boob. Like literally is in a battle with it. It’s the strangest thing ever. We have an appointment to get this taken care of next week and that should help tremendously.
Ok, so now that I’ve made it seem like a nightmare, let me just tell you IT’S NOT! It’s the most precious, amazing, awesome, insanely over powering with love thing that you could ever do. Well, next to actually giving birth, I suppose. When I look down at my little boy’s face so peaceful, it makes my heart smile. When he’s staring up at me, (or at least we’ll pretend he’s staring up at me) I seriously tear up. I don’t think I would get the same satisfaction from looking down at him while feeding him from a bottle. Nursing is something that Chase and I can only share and it gives me the opportunity to bond and talk to him about random things. Night time nursing sessions have gotten much better since I now use our co-sleepr crib as an expensive blanket/diaper/wipe holder. Haha! Chase sleeps cuddled up to me and for the most part latches on before he even wakes up. Just know, that 99% of the time, you can nurse your baby. I understand some circumstances may not allow this, but I hope that you’ll at least give it a legitimate try.
And for the record, I’m not opposed to pacifiers and bottles forever. Just for the first month or so of life. I want Steve to be able to feed Chase when I want to sleep in on a Saturday or go out without him for a little while. I don’t mind pacifiers when used correctly and not as a tool to prolong not having to nurse.
So, that’s that. This turned out to be much longer than I wanted, but I just couldn’t stop myself. Keep it real!
Chase latched reasonably well from the very beginning. I attribute this to immediate bonding after he was born. I may have had a crappy experience with tons of intervention, but I did get my bonding time. Chase was placed on me and didn’t leave my side until we had ample time to stare at each other for a while and let him figure out that I was his Boob. (That’s our nickname for me now. I’m “The Boob” and Steve is “The Financer.” LOL!) He didn’t latch immediately, but he did nuzzle around and get a feel for me. When he did latch, it didn’t last long (which made me nervous). A couple hours after his birth, he finally did latch and things looked good.
Another thing that I made sure of during our hospital stay was prohibiting the use of artificial nipples. No pacifiers, no bottles, nothing but the Boob. Since we’ve been home, Chase had a paci for a few hours on and off and in my heart, I knew that it wasn’t something that I wanted to be doing. Strangely, the day he had the paci was the day that he had the most trouble latching. I’m not sure if that was nipple confusion or if it was just a fluke. I do know that he won’t be getting any more artificial nipples for quite a while. It’s recommended that babies only have the breast for the first three to four weeks anyway.
Chase went through his first growth spurt at around seven days old. Let me just tell you, mama was thinking about formula. This kid was attached to me for HOURS on end. I’m not exaggerating. HOURS. When he would fall asleep, he would only sleep 30 or so minutes and wake up for more. This lasted for two days. I was in tears. My boobs hurt, my head hurt, and I was exhausted. I stuck through it though. I knew how upset I would have been with myself if I allowed myself to fall off the wagon so quickly. We got through it and we should be gearing up for growth spurt number two soon. Gotta mentally prepare since I know what’s up this time.
Night time nursing was rough to begin with. I knew that he wasn’t going to be sleeping through the night (or any long stretch), but I once again thought all would be rainbows and puppy dogs. My mom keeps yelling at me to put him on a schedule, but I am whole-heartedly against even trying to do that. He’s a newborn. He’ll eat and sleep when he wants. I’m not on an eating schedule, so why should I expect a newborn to be. Anyway, Chase wakes up randomly throughout the night to nurse for hunger and/or for comfort. That’s another thing - be prepared to nurse for comfort, not just for food. There have been nights when I’m nursing and I try to put Chase back down after he’s done and he isn’t having it. It’s hard to look over at Steve and see him knocked out and look down at my beautiful baby who is knocked out too and not knock myself out...but slamming my head through the wall behind me. J/K! Kind of. :-)
My milk was slow coming. I know a lot of mamas who give up on breastfeeding because of their milk supply or their milk taking it’s precious time to make an appearance. Mine finally showed up around day six and I was over joyed. I knew that colostrum was all that Chase needed in the beginning days and our pediatrician was/is awesome and didn’t say a word about his 7% weight loss - which is totally normal up to 10%. She said that she knew my milk would be showing up any time and that he had three weeks to regain his birth weight until we started worrying. Awesome!
Chase is also tongue-tied. He spits milk everywhere and while he is able to latch, it’s not a perfect one. It hurts a little and he fights my boob. Like literally is in a battle with it. It’s the strangest thing ever. We have an appointment to get this taken care of next week and that should help tremendously.
Ok, so now that I’ve made it seem like a nightmare, let me just tell you IT’S NOT! It’s the most precious, amazing, awesome, insanely over powering with love thing that you could ever do. Well, next to actually giving birth, I suppose. When I look down at my little boy’s face so peaceful, it makes my heart smile. When he’s staring up at me, (or at least we’ll pretend he’s staring up at me) I seriously tear up. I don’t think I would get the same satisfaction from looking down at him while feeding him from a bottle. Nursing is something that Chase and I can only share and it gives me the opportunity to bond and talk to him about random things. Night time nursing sessions have gotten much better since I now use our co-sleepr crib as an expensive blanket/diaper/wipe holder. Haha! Chase sleeps cuddled up to me and for the most part latches on before he even wakes up. Just know, that 99% of the time, you can nurse your baby. I understand some circumstances may not allow this, but I hope that you’ll at least give it a legitimate try.
And for the record, I’m not opposed to pacifiers and bottles forever. Just for the first month or so of life. I want Steve to be able to feed Chase when I want to sleep in on a Saturday or go out without him for a little while. I don’t mind pacifiers when used correctly and not as a tool to prolong not having to nurse.
So, that’s that. This turned out to be much longer than I wanted, but I just couldn’t stop myself. Keep it real!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Birth Story -No use in crying over spilt milk
For the people that have been following my journey toward labor and the birth of Chase, you know that I wanted an all-natural, med-free, home birth. With all of my careful planning and preparing, I couldn’t have planned nor prepared for the crazy things that were ahead of me.
Late on April 9th (around 11pm), I woke up having contractions, but I wasn’t sure if they were fake outs or real. I decided to stay up for a bit to see what would happen and around midnight, I woke Steve up. A few hours later, I had a little bloody show and my contractions got more intense. I didn’t want to call Suzy and Angie over too early, but at 4am (April 10th) I thought it was time to call. They came over and from there, things got a little more intense. From 5 (ish) a.m. until noon, the contractions picked up even more and I really felt like I was making progress and was excited about the light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t have been more wrong!
At this point, Suzy checked me to see how much progress I had made and to everyone’s bafflement, I had made ZERO progress in the way of dilation. Suzy started feeling around and ask had I ever had surgery, to which I responded yes. I had completely forgotten about two procedures I had done in 2003 and apparently; they had caused a significant amount of scar tissue. Suzy said that with every contraction, instead of it dilating me, it was like tugging on a piece of fabric that was never going to give – or in my case dilate. So, from 11pm on April 9th until noon the next day, I had made no progress. I’m not sure if anyone can fathom how frustrating that was to hear. Not to mention, the extreme pain that came along with my cervix/uterus not being able to do its’ job, yet continuing to attempt to do it.
Suzy gave me two options: continue to try to labor at home and she would keep trying to get to my cervix to strip the tissue or go to the hospital and have them do it and proceed from there. By this time, I had already been working my butt off for almost 15 hours and I was getting exhausted. I knew that there was no guarantee that Suzy would be able to get to the scar tissue and Steve and I decided that it was time to go to the hospital.
We got to the hospital, got me admitted, and within about an hour I was hooked up to every machine known to man. I knew that this was going to be the way of the world in the hospital environment, but geez. I had crap everywhere! I had an epidural, which meant I was required to have a catheter. The epidural slowed me down, which meant I needed pitocin. Once the epi wore off a bit, the contractions from the pit were horrible and I needed another epi. I was also required to wear two monitors around my belly – one to monitor my contractions and the infamous fetal heart rate monitor.
So, after I got the epi, a doctor came in and was able to get to my cervix and clean the scar tissue up. I started making slow progress from there (hence the pitocin) and all seemed to be going rather well.
From here, my timeline gets a little hazy. I mean, I was lying there for SEVERAL hours, so I don’t even know what the f was going on half the time. I’ll just give some brief descriptions of my experiences.
1. At some point a nurse came in to check on my IV, etc. She wasn’t our nurse – ours was in delivering a baby – and she was pretty stupid. I hate to call people names (no, I don’t), but she wasn’t nice and I wasn’t in the mood. She started changing the IV and pit and didn’t even bother to follow the lines to see that they were crossed. Steve was trying to tell her that the lines were crossed so that the IV bag looked like it was over the pit computer and vice versa. She didn’t want to listen and when she turned the pit computer on some ridiculously high number instead of 3, Steve flipped out. She got extremely irritated that Steve was “telling her what to do when he was not a nurse, nor did he know what he was talking about” and turned everything off. Like literally everything. My IV, pit, epi, whatever the hell else I was hooked up to. I sat like that for over an hour, with an empty IV line. When our nurse finally came back, she was pissed and I had to get my line flushed, because you can’t just leave an IV line not running. Not to mention, that whore turned my pit off right when my contractions were starting to be reasonably productive and once she turned it off they came to a screeching halt. Set back #1.
2. Oh man, do I hate catheters. Since I had an epi, I had a wonderful catheter in. The first 12 or so hours, it didn’t bother me at all. I couldn’t feel a thing. Once the first epi started to wear off, I started being able to feel the catheter and I knew that I was getting a UTI (not to mention the “mysterious” fever I developed…ummm…ya think it could have been from the UTI and the epi? Weird. The fever required me to get antibiotics) I begged them to take it out, but they were refusing since I couldn’t take myself to the bathroom or feel when I had to go to the bathroom. However, I proved that I could still feel my legs and have control over my bodily functions; I just couldn’t feel the contractions. I guess I got lucky in that way, because I could still move my legs even with the epi in. They still required me to keep the epi in, so I had them turn it off. A few hours of no catheter was all I wanted and during that time, I had to use a darned bedpan. Annoying. Eventually, they turned the epi back on and I had to get another catheter, which was pulled out a few hours later when I finally started pushing.
3. The night nurse that I had was awesome. At one point, I started losing it and begging her for a c-section. Like literally yelling, “HALEY! Give me a c-section! I mean it, Haley. Give me that damned section. I don’t even care anymore, I just want this to be over!” She was awesome and kept telling me that she knew that’s not what I really wanted – all the while Steve is standing behind me, motioning NO C-SECTION. Haley actually kept talking the doctor out of giving me a section. Her and Steve are the only reasons that I didn’t end up cut up.
4. When I eventually starting pushing, things seemed to be going well. I pushed like a mad woman and his head eventually started to be seen. Steve was there…how should I say…in the thick of it. I’m glad he’s seen far worse things than what was going on in my lady business. During my pushing, my nurse and Suzy suggested I turn over and lean over the back of the bed to try a different position of pushing. Right when I got into position to push, another doctor came in. He walks in and simply states, “I’m a doctor. I need you to turn around so that I can check you.” Steve was very confused about this and I didn’t want to turn around, not to mention we had no clue who this clown was. Apparently, he was the head of OB and wanted to check to see if Chase was sunny side up. What does it matter?! Anyway, I roll back over onto my back (yet another reason I didn’t want to be in a hospital, being on your back the entire time is not conducive to labor/birth) and he checks me. In the process of this unnecessary check, he pushes Chase back up and I had to push for another 45 minutes to get back to where I was before he came in. Set back #2.
I pushed for the additional 45 minutes and one of the nurse’s started mentioning C-Section. My contractions were starting to get lazy and I was exhausted. I had been pushing for over three hours at this point and I was just done. I wanted all of the high-tech machinery off me, I wanted everyone to be out of my vagina, I wanted Chase out, and I wanted to just be left alone. They gave me the option of section or vacuum. I was heartbroken, but opted for the vacuum – the lesser of the evils, I suppose. The same a-hole doctor that found it necessary to check me had to be paged back in to do the vacuum and he was the biggest jerk EVER. He didn’t say a word to me, didn’t explain what was going on, just shoved it up there. As he was pulling Chase out, (while I was pushing, at least) I saw him pick up the knife and say, “I’m just going to give you a small episiotomy.” I yelled that he was to absolutely not cut me and he got pissed that I wouldn’t let him do it, but put the knife down. I did have a 2nd degree tear that had to be stitched up, but I would rather tear than be cut any day. It makes more sense to me and afterward the nurse said that if I had let him cut me then I would have had a 3rd or 4th degree tear.
I also asked for delayed cord clamping and the doctor did not abide by my wishes. As soon as Chase was out, he clamped the cord. Steve did cut the cord and they placed Chase on my belly. The ped nurse did all of the checks with Chase on my belly and they left us alone. The ped nurse was really awesome and didn’t give us a hard time about any of our decisions. We did not allow them to give Chase a bath, opted out of HepB, VitK, and eye goop. We said that either Steve or I would be with Chase at all times and he was able to room in with us for the duration of our stay.
At one point in the night, they came in to check on him, I was so groggy, and out of it, I didn’t even realize I was giving them permission to take him out for a check and Steve was asleep. They only kept him out of the room for about 30 minutes, but I’m positive that in those 30 minutes they gave him formula. He came back and spit up a lot and I hadn’t really feed him much yet. Not to mention, since we’ve been home, he has not spit up as he did at the hospital. He’s only dribbled a little bit, but I think that’s because my milk came out too fast and he couldn’t keep up with it. That’s slightly irritating if they did that.
So! That’s my story. It was very traumatic for me and nothing went the way that I wanted it to. I had nearly every intervention known to man and it breaks my heart to even think about it. I keep telling myself that I got a beautiful baby boy out of it and I didn’t end up with a C-Section. Two very important things. I’m sure some people are thinking that they told me so or that they knew I wouldn’t be able to do it at home. I, however, know that I did things that right way and used hospital intervention appropriately. My cervix wasn’t dilating and I had to make a choice of what would be best for Chase and me. Given the opportunity, I would absolutely go for another natural birth (probably at a birthing center next time) and opt out of as much intervention as possible. I saw first hand how intervention begets intervention and it’s an awful, viscous cycle of crap. There are so many unnecessary things and I know that my body is capable of doing what it was made to do – birth a baby. The doctors (not the a-hole) all said that I would never have this much trouble again and that next time would be much easier. The scar tissue is completely gone now and I will totally rock my next birth.
Chase is doing awesome and has been nursing like a fiend. I think he’s going through a growth spurt right now, because he was literally been nursing all day. It’s taken me so long to type this out, because he only gives me five or six minutes at a time to type. We’re co-sleeping and loving it. I sleep so much better/more with him cuddled up next to me. At first, we were trying to put him in his co-sleeper crib, swing, anything to get him to sleep. I gave up and just started sleeping cuddled up with him. It works so much better for us and has been going really well.
I think that’s about it. I’m sure I missed some details, but this is long enough.
One week old.
Late on April 9th (around 11pm), I woke up having contractions, but I wasn’t sure if they were fake outs or real. I decided to stay up for a bit to see what would happen and around midnight, I woke Steve up. A few hours later, I had a little bloody show and my contractions got more intense. I didn’t want to call Suzy and Angie over too early, but at 4am (April 10th) I thought it was time to call. They came over and from there, things got a little more intense. From 5 (ish) a.m. until noon, the contractions picked up even more and I really felt like I was making progress and was excited about the light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn’t have been more wrong!
At this point, Suzy checked me to see how much progress I had made and to everyone’s bafflement, I had made ZERO progress in the way of dilation. Suzy started feeling around and ask had I ever had surgery, to which I responded yes. I had completely forgotten about two procedures I had done in 2003 and apparently; they had caused a significant amount of scar tissue. Suzy said that with every contraction, instead of it dilating me, it was like tugging on a piece of fabric that was never going to give – or in my case dilate. So, from 11pm on April 9th until noon the next day, I had made no progress. I’m not sure if anyone can fathom how frustrating that was to hear. Not to mention, the extreme pain that came along with my cervix/uterus not being able to do its’ job, yet continuing to attempt to do it.
Suzy gave me two options: continue to try to labor at home and she would keep trying to get to my cervix to strip the tissue or go to the hospital and have them do it and proceed from there. By this time, I had already been working my butt off for almost 15 hours and I was getting exhausted. I knew that there was no guarantee that Suzy would be able to get to the scar tissue and Steve and I decided that it was time to go to the hospital.
We got to the hospital, got me admitted, and within about an hour I was hooked up to every machine known to man. I knew that this was going to be the way of the world in the hospital environment, but geez. I had crap everywhere! I had an epidural, which meant I was required to have a catheter. The epidural slowed me down, which meant I needed pitocin. Once the epi wore off a bit, the contractions from the pit were horrible and I needed another epi. I was also required to wear two monitors around my belly – one to monitor my contractions and the infamous fetal heart rate monitor.
So, after I got the epi, a doctor came in and was able to get to my cervix and clean the scar tissue up. I started making slow progress from there (hence the pitocin) and all seemed to be going rather well.
From here, my timeline gets a little hazy. I mean, I was lying there for SEVERAL hours, so I don’t even know what the f was going on half the time. I’ll just give some brief descriptions of my experiences.
1. At some point a nurse came in to check on my IV, etc. She wasn’t our nurse – ours was in delivering a baby – and she was pretty stupid. I hate to call people names (no, I don’t), but she wasn’t nice and I wasn’t in the mood. She started changing the IV and pit and didn’t even bother to follow the lines to see that they were crossed. Steve was trying to tell her that the lines were crossed so that the IV bag looked like it was over the pit computer and vice versa. She didn’t want to listen and when she turned the pit computer on some ridiculously high number instead of 3, Steve flipped out. She got extremely irritated that Steve was “telling her what to do when he was not a nurse, nor did he know what he was talking about” and turned everything off. Like literally everything. My IV, pit, epi, whatever the hell else I was hooked up to. I sat like that for over an hour, with an empty IV line. When our nurse finally came back, she was pissed and I had to get my line flushed, because you can’t just leave an IV line not running. Not to mention, that whore turned my pit off right when my contractions were starting to be reasonably productive and once she turned it off they came to a screeching halt. Set back #1.
2. Oh man, do I hate catheters. Since I had an epi, I had a wonderful catheter in. The first 12 or so hours, it didn’t bother me at all. I couldn’t feel a thing. Once the first epi started to wear off, I started being able to feel the catheter and I knew that I was getting a UTI (not to mention the “mysterious” fever I developed…ummm…ya think it could have been from the UTI and the epi? Weird. The fever required me to get antibiotics) I begged them to take it out, but they were refusing since I couldn’t take myself to the bathroom or feel when I had to go to the bathroom. However, I proved that I could still feel my legs and have control over my bodily functions; I just couldn’t feel the contractions. I guess I got lucky in that way, because I could still move my legs even with the epi in. They still required me to keep the epi in, so I had them turn it off. A few hours of no catheter was all I wanted and during that time, I had to use a darned bedpan. Annoying. Eventually, they turned the epi back on and I had to get another catheter, which was pulled out a few hours later when I finally started pushing.
3. The night nurse that I had was awesome. At one point, I started losing it and begging her for a c-section. Like literally yelling, “HALEY! Give me a c-section! I mean it, Haley. Give me that damned section. I don’t even care anymore, I just want this to be over!” She was awesome and kept telling me that she knew that’s not what I really wanted – all the while Steve is standing behind me, motioning NO C-SECTION. Haley actually kept talking the doctor out of giving me a section. Her and Steve are the only reasons that I didn’t end up cut up.
4. When I eventually starting pushing, things seemed to be going well. I pushed like a mad woman and his head eventually started to be seen. Steve was there…how should I say…in the thick of it. I’m glad he’s seen far worse things than what was going on in my lady business. During my pushing, my nurse and Suzy suggested I turn over and lean over the back of the bed to try a different position of pushing. Right when I got into position to push, another doctor came in. He walks in and simply states, “I’m a doctor. I need you to turn around so that I can check you.” Steve was very confused about this and I didn’t want to turn around, not to mention we had no clue who this clown was. Apparently, he was the head of OB and wanted to check to see if Chase was sunny side up. What does it matter?! Anyway, I roll back over onto my back (yet another reason I didn’t want to be in a hospital, being on your back the entire time is not conducive to labor/birth) and he checks me. In the process of this unnecessary check, he pushes Chase back up and I had to push for another 45 minutes to get back to where I was before he came in. Set back #2.
I pushed for the additional 45 minutes and one of the nurse’s started mentioning C-Section. My contractions were starting to get lazy and I was exhausted. I had been pushing for over three hours at this point and I was just done. I wanted all of the high-tech machinery off me, I wanted everyone to be out of my vagina, I wanted Chase out, and I wanted to just be left alone. They gave me the option of section or vacuum. I was heartbroken, but opted for the vacuum – the lesser of the evils, I suppose. The same a-hole doctor that found it necessary to check me had to be paged back in to do the vacuum and he was the biggest jerk EVER. He didn’t say a word to me, didn’t explain what was going on, just shoved it up there. As he was pulling Chase out, (while I was pushing, at least) I saw him pick up the knife and say, “I’m just going to give you a small episiotomy.” I yelled that he was to absolutely not cut me and he got pissed that I wouldn’t let him do it, but put the knife down. I did have a 2nd degree tear that had to be stitched up, but I would rather tear than be cut any day. It makes more sense to me and afterward the nurse said that if I had let him cut me then I would have had a 3rd or 4th degree tear.
I also asked for delayed cord clamping and the doctor did not abide by my wishes. As soon as Chase was out, he clamped the cord. Steve did cut the cord and they placed Chase on my belly. The ped nurse did all of the checks with Chase on my belly and they left us alone. The ped nurse was really awesome and didn’t give us a hard time about any of our decisions. We did not allow them to give Chase a bath, opted out of HepB, VitK, and eye goop. We said that either Steve or I would be with Chase at all times and he was able to room in with us for the duration of our stay.
At one point in the night, they came in to check on him, I was so groggy, and out of it, I didn’t even realize I was giving them permission to take him out for a check and Steve was asleep. They only kept him out of the room for about 30 minutes, but I’m positive that in those 30 minutes they gave him formula. He came back and spit up a lot and I hadn’t really feed him much yet. Not to mention, since we’ve been home, he has not spit up as he did at the hospital. He’s only dribbled a little bit, but I think that’s because my milk came out too fast and he couldn’t keep up with it. That’s slightly irritating if they did that.
So! That’s my story. It was very traumatic for me and nothing went the way that I wanted it to. I had nearly every intervention known to man and it breaks my heart to even think about it. I keep telling myself that I got a beautiful baby boy out of it and I didn’t end up with a C-Section. Two very important things. I’m sure some people are thinking that they told me so or that they knew I wouldn’t be able to do it at home. I, however, know that I did things that right way and used hospital intervention appropriately. My cervix wasn’t dilating and I had to make a choice of what would be best for Chase and me. Given the opportunity, I would absolutely go for another natural birth (probably at a birthing center next time) and opt out of as much intervention as possible. I saw first hand how intervention begets intervention and it’s an awful, viscous cycle of crap. There are so many unnecessary things and I know that my body is capable of doing what it was made to do – birth a baby. The doctors (not the a-hole) all said that I would never have this much trouble again and that next time would be much easier. The scar tissue is completely gone now and I will totally rock my next birth.
Chase is doing awesome and has been nursing like a fiend. I think he’s going through a growth spurt right now, because he was literally been nursing all day. It’s taken me so long to type this out, because he only gives me five or six minutes at a time to type. We’re co-sleeping and loving it. I sleep so much better/more with him cuddled up next to me. At first, we were trying to put him in his co-sleeper crib, swing, anything to get him to sleep. I gave up and just started sleeping cuddled up with him. It works so much better for us and has been going really well.
I think that’s about it. I’m sure I missed some details, but this is long enough.
One week old.
Monday, March 26, 2012
Is it time yet?
No. No, it is not. I’m 38 weeks today and I’m definitely starting to complain. A lot. I know that Chase will come when he’s good and ready, but geez! Mama is ready! Steve yells at me when I talk about him coming out to play and says, “Do you not listen to yourself when you talk to me?!” I’m always telling him that Chase will come out when he’s good and ready and let’s not rush him. My story is changing a bit now. LOL!
We have Suzy’s bag of tricks here already so that she can just rush over here when it’s time. In said bag, is pitocin (a labor inducer). I was joking with Steve that he was going to come home one day and I would be trying to administer it to myself. Calm down, people, it’s a joke. I am pretty opposed to non-medical necessitated induction, this little guy can hang out and take all the time he needs. I’ll just complain until then. I’ve been reading a lot about women who get induced at 37/38 weeks just because of schedule, convenience, or simply being uncomfortable. That’s absurd. And that’s my spill for the day about that.
I’ve been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions and lots of pressure in what I call my under-belly. I’ve also been having sharp pains in my who-ha, which are awful! My sciatica has moved from the left side to the right and it hurts worse on this side. I’ve resorted to sitting on the toilet backwards, because it hurts less. Yes, I South Park it in the bathroom - I hope you’ve seen that episode. I have an appointment on Wednesday with the chiropractor and I’m looking forward to that like no other.
Annnnnnd, it took me about nine hours to type this out and I’ve actually started feeling a lot better. I’m guessing that yesterday really took a toll on me - I did A LOT yesterday. I think nesting has kicked in or something. I just couldn’t sit down and last night I felt like total crap. I guess I just needed a little rest. :-) I took a walk earlier and I’ve been drinking tons of water and sitting on my ball. Feeling much better now! Yah!
38 week picture. I love how I look like humpty dumpty now - tiny legs, huge stomach. :-)
We have Suzy’s bag of tricks here already so that she can just rush over here when it’s time. In said bag, is pitocin (a labor inducer). I was joking with Steve that he was going to come home one day and I would be trying to administer it to myself. Calm down, people, it’s a joke. I am pretty opposed to non-medical necessitated induction, this little guy can hang out and take all the time he needs. I’ll just complain until then. I’ve been reading a lot about women who get induced at 37/38 weeks just because of schedule, convenience, or simply being uncomfortable. That’s absurd. And that’s my spill for the day about that.
I’ve been having a lot of Braxton Hicks contractions and lots of pressure in what I call my under-belly. I’ve also been having sharp pains in my who-ha, which are awful! My sciatica has moved from the left side to the right and it hurts worse on this side. I’ve resorted to sitting on the toilet backwards, because it hurts less. Yes, I South Park it in the bathroom - I hope you’ve seen that episode. I have an appointment on Wednesday with the chiropractor and I’m looking forward to that like no other.
Annnnnnd, it took me about nine hours to type this out and I’ve actually started feeling a lot better. I’m guessing that yesterday really took a toll on me - I did A LOT yesterday. I think nesting has kicked in or something. I just couldn’t sit down and last night I felt like total crap. I guess I just needed a little rest. :-) I took a walk earlier and I’ve been drinking tons of water and sitting on my ball. Feeling much better now! Yah!
38 week picture. I love how I look like humpty dumpty now - tiny legs, huge stomach. :-)
![Photobucket](“ttp://s1228.photobucket.com/albums/ee453/ANicoleBenson/?action=view¤t=photo-16-1.jpg")
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